don't test me

I am not, by nature or by persuasion, a bad person. I still feel guilty for the two 50¢ pieces I stole when I was a teenager, and for lying to my mother when she asked me how much toilet paper I was using (she was trying to teach us to be sparing and not wasteful). I told her three squares, but I had really used five. I was 14.

Since my teens, I have felt pride in my work ethic and my honor system. White fibs aside, ("I'm sorry, I missed your call even though the phone was in my pocket") I like to be straight with people; I don't lie, cheat or steal. And I am sensitive. I may or may not cry when I get too hungry, or when someone says something really sweet, or when someone is a little bit mean to me.

If you're a person who applies "badness" to people, don't test my reflexes. I've learned that you can usually tell a lot about people by the way they anticipate others or what they expect from others. I am quick to judge when I feel uneasy with someone, and that feeling is often (although not always) proven true. Which makes the following statement feel mean and honest at the same time: If you make me nervous to be around, and I feel like I should watch what I say and keep most of myself to myself when I'm around you....

Our time together will be limited.

I cherish my friendships, and while I fault myself and some of my dear ones for being literally ridiculous in our supportiveness ("You acted crazy and he didn't like it? Bastard!") knowing they know me, and that they understand what motivates my actions is comforting. I don't worry (too often) that I've been misunderstood or misread.

Of course, when I say something idiotic I may stay up all night worrying about it and later have a very awkward conversation trying to explain myself. This happens from time to time; I never said I'm free from foot-in-mouth disease.

A rather genius Garden Shed via Wolf Eyebrows