two feet and a fist

Our health industry is "interesting." I've never really had to take part in it except for that one time I had a concussion, the other time with having my wisdom teeth removed, and a pretty consistent "lady checkup."

Maybe my upbringing had something to do with it. We didn't visit the doctor's office when we had a cold, or when we sprained an ankle. Our parents seemed to know enough to take us in when they thought we might have a broken arm or when we seemed to need stitches (which means there was actually something the doctors could do).

You could argue they just got lucky.

Far be it for me to judge as I've only been visiting my new doctor for two years. But I will. (You knew that was coming.)

I am frustrated. Beyond frustrated actually, as here I sit another month into a grueling "what the what is wrong with me?" adventure.

With the help of a nutritionist and some serious online sleuthing, I finally got my doctor to take me seriously and do a series of blood tests. It just so happens that my thyroid was not in awesome working order, also my Vitamin D levels were super low (duh, considering I live in Seattle).

The thyroid issue can happen for a variety of reasons, and a pretty ridiculous percentage of people (women and men) have thyroid problems. Lots more probably undiagnosed. My numbers weren't outrageous compared to some, but for me they meant: not sleeping through the night, feeling exhausted (like my limbs were filled with lead) no matter how much sleep I got, feeling cold ALL of the time, hoarse voice, lack of creativity (and I'm a designer in every aspect of my life), low excitement and grumpy/sad/moody. If you know me, then you'll know that is not normal. The list goes on and on, but those are some of the big ones.

As for the Vitamin D, I take a 2,000 IU capsule every day and I haven't gotten a cold all winter (except for that one time when I forgot to take my Vitamin D for a week).

So I'm on a low dose of thyroid hormone for the rest of my life. It has helped a lot in a lot of ways, but I'm having episodes every month or two that include:

Feeling like I've-been-hit-by-a-truck tired (regardless of 'sleeping' 9-10 hours a night).

Not able to sleep through the night.

Nauseated to the point of hovering over the toilet.

I stop cooking (which I love, and do typically every day).

I don't want to see anyone (and I live for my friend visits and catching up time).

This makes me unbelievably sad. The thought of seeing someone and having them ask, "Hey, how's it going?" makes me cry.

Literally.

This is not normal. I know it's not normal. And yet, when I visit my doctor or call to make an appointment for a blood test they say, "Well, you are getting older. Try drinking a lot of water for a week and see what happens."

I've been drinking 5 or more 22 ounce bottles of water a day. That's 110 ounces of H20!!! I only weigh 20-odd pounds more than that! I'm nearly drinking my weight in water every day and I feel awful. I don't drink coffee, I don't drink alcohol more than once or twice a week (yay for Saturdays!). I've been working out. I don't work long hours. I eat mostly home-cooked meals. My breakfast is yogurt and granola with blueberries. I think I could do with some more salads but I don't drink soda and I don't smoke. I watch my salt intake. I am not pregnant.

It comes in waves for a week every month or two. I've been back to the doctor three times to ask about this, as I read it could be side effects from the medication. She responded, "I really don't think so."

And here's where the judgment comes in: If you only have 15 mins with a patient once a year (unless they're a total irritation like me and come back four or five times) you are bound to make assumptions regardless of knowing next to nothing about them. These are most likely pulled from lots of reading, and lots of people who need a doctor to give them drugs. I don't want drugs. I don't even want the ones I'm supposed to take. I just want a definitive answer to figure out why I'm swinging like a pendulum from feeling pretty good to feeling totally, unbearably awful, on what is becoming a regular basis. I want the person who paid outrageous amounts of money and spent long, intense hours studying to help me.

Apparently it may take more than fifteen minutes. I'd like a second opinion, and perhaps you could refer me to a specialist. Or at least understand that I'm not making this up and that after 34 years of life lived in a pretty clear-about-myself state, I might actually know a little something about how I am feeling and that it's not a lack of hydration.

It's just a thought.

photo courtesy of savvy patient

nearly there

Winters in the Northwest invite you to hibernate for about.... oh, four to six months. It's not exactly required, and you may feel enthusiastic enough to go out and play in the mountains, take a couple of trips, and perhaps even take long walks every single day (your dog may require it of you, and you may oblige). But compared to the energy and enthusiasm of Spring, Summer and Fall... Well, let's just say things are a bit different in Winter.

The cherry trees, crocus, and daffodils are blooming now. Buds are emerging on branches everywhere, and I walk around feeling pretty darn delighted. I find myself coming up with projects (when two weeks ago I was bemoaning the fact that I didn't have any projects and couldn't think of any). I painted the trim in our hallway. I painted our bathroom. I reorganized the basement and rearranged my design studio. It's like the fog and sleepiness of winter has thinned and dispersed, and suddenly I notice all sorts of things to do! Pretty exciting, really.

Today is heavy with torrents of rain and wind. The streets are deserted as we watch from our office windows hoping to see the action of someone caught in this monsoon. Just as the day seems as if it is about to go dark, the clouds break a little and the room lights up.

I'm pretty sure I've yawned about 4,387 times today, but I swear I'm feeling perky. It's only a matter of time before Spring really is here (no more snow, like on Tuesday!) and then Summer is sure to follow. I look forward to BBQ's and boating, long evening walks and perhaps a couple of camping trips.

In the meantime I will busy myself with household thrills like mopping the floor and dusting out the cupboards. And maybe some more painting...

Irish seaside courtesy of this is glamorous

Oregon cherry blossoms

Spring cherry tree

piano

My fingers meet the ivory keys only once or twice a year but when they do, they dance. It feels like twirling, falling, flying, and the weight of the keys on my childhood upright grand is a familiar balancing act. A few of the lowest keys are off, and the felt has worn away, but the sound is lovely.

My hope is that we'll have room in our new house for my piano. It takes up the space of two dressers and is as deep as a refrigerator but I want to start playing again. This new house doesn't exist for us yet, but it will someday and I plan on taking more lessons. I'd like to sit down on my piano bench with some new sheet music. I'll arrange the pages just so, and try a few measures with my right hand. Then I'll play a few with my left. Once I feel I understand a bit, I'll try both hands together.

I learned to carefully keep my palms curved, knuckles up (for good form), and to keep my back straight. Once I'm ready, I'll let my fingers dance.

all of this inspired by MCS's song on Radio Paradise

Matthew C Shuman - Chasing the Wind

fit

My recent investment of time, energy, and attention is CrossFit. You may have heard about it from someone oddly excited about it. Maybe you've never heard about it, but the words Cross and Fit seem familiar. No worries, I'll fill you in.

CrossFit is "constantly varied, functional movement performed at high intensity.... CrossFit contends that a person is as fit as they are proficient in each of ten general skills: cardiovascular/respiratory endurance, stamina, strength, flexibility, power, speed, agility, balance, coordination and accuracy." I got that from wikipedia.

What is CrossFit to me? 3 times a week of fun, intense, upbeat workout followed by a feeling of total exhaustion yet at the same time super charged and pretty darn proud of myself.

I'm not in terrible shape, but I haven't felt really great/svelte/lithe/fit in a while and this feels pretty fantastic. I'm not even there yet, I just feel like I'm on my way.

There's nothing like having a friend who's been doing CrossFit for six months with fabulous results to inspire you to give it a try. Last night I did 120 full sit ups even tapping the floor in front of my feet after each one. Sadly this wore the skin off my tail bone but I didn't notice until showering was painful. Oddly enough, it just made me feel tough and inspired.

I'm learning pull ups and all sorts of funny-sounding moves like Burpees, Inch Worms, and Clean Press something-or-others. I'm only three weeks in, but I can tell I'm gonna like it.

CrossFit girls are...

tracks

Some days you feel kinda like a tiger with very sharp claws. Other days you may be a little slow and awkward, and wish you'd just held your tongue.

I'm just saying.

Last night I watched part of a documentary about HIV and AIDS in Zambia, Africa. It was heartbreaking. So many children and wives, mothers and husbands, grandmothers, babies... Lost.

If you've ever seen someone frail and thin from disease, their bones delicate within the casing of their skin and wondered how they could still be alive.... That's what it is. If you've ever wondered what advances in medicine can do for the world, and what sex education can do for people.... It can do a lot. It can save babies.

I'm a fairly well-read person who likes to keep somewhat up to date on the affairs of the world but I have to admit that I feel totally and completely unable to comprehend the scope of savagery that is the effect of the HIV and AIDS viruses. There are millions of people affected, and thousands of people dying every day.

I'm not sure what I can do about it, but if nothing else I can recommend watching The Lazarus Affect. Although this short documentary is completely focused on how to keep these viruses from killing people (through the administering of medications), I'd like to mention that there is a lot of work being done to help keep people from being infected in the first place. Knowledge is power. Education is key.

And that is all for this week's episode of Friday Thoughts! Enjoy your weekend, relax, and change the world.

Zambia map courtesy of nationsonline.org (I have not checked out this website)

Zambian woman courtesy of OffTheBeatenTrack

Zambia Dancer courtesy of TheStateDepartment