to wreck, and then...

Today's quote from last week since I wrote this a week ago and didn't have time to click "post":

"Thank you for not leaving me when I was intolerable." 

It works for almost every scenario, including remodels with the one you love and the sort of exhaustion that only intense, months-long renovations can incur.

We're not out of the woods, yet. We've barely got walls, let alone floors, sinks, toilets or a shower. We do have windows, and the drywall is up. We're working on ductwork and someone else is working on mudding, taping, sanding and priming. And it's only a few days before we move in. I think we'll be sleeping in a corner of the basement and showering at the gym. 

It's like one of those funny stories from college, except that we're not in college. We're working professionals who have to shower and dress for work Monday through Friday and walk the dog twice a day. We're more than tired and it's not summer and it's soaking wet outside. We're worried about the basement flooding, the exposed insulation, and the fact that we haven't put gutters on the eaves.

At least there's heat and we can always pull out the camp stove (if we had time to cook). I keep reminding myself it will all be over soon and our little house will be a home. I'll have time to read and make things (like dinner), and visit with friends and regale them with stories about this one time with the ladder and almost falling backward down the stairs. Either that, or I'll just point toward [what will be] the beautiful kitchen and say, "We chose that."

In the meantime, I'll enjoy my last few days in a rental where someone else is responsible for when the roof leaks and when we need a new washer. (Psssssst: Babe-eh-loo: We need a washer and dryer.)


One week later:

It's freezing outside (almost literally) but dry. The ductwork is done, the drywall has been mudded, taped, sanded and primed. We packed and stored all of our stuff over the weekend and our cabinets were delivered today. Which means we should probably order our counter tops. And probably the tile for the bathroom.

We bought a new washer and dryer. And a refrigerator, stove, microwave, and dishwasher but we haven't installed a toilet. It's not even close to done, but it's closer than it was last week. And that is all we can hope for, really.

check out schoolhouse electric because it's fun

and restoration hardware these days is amazing.

the deep

I thought, "Sure, I'll post updates weekly as we renovate. We can share before and after and during photos and laugh and hang out and chat about our remodel adventure."

That was before, when we had free time and friends. When we cooked at home and vacuumed. When we could find time for movies and reading, laundry and grocery shopping.

Now we're nearly five months in, demolition is over, we've excavated and resealed the foundation (nearly done with backfilling). We're in the midst of wiring outlets and lights. I insulated the water pipes over the weekend, we have a new porch. And we haven't seen our friends in months (not totally literally, but just about literally). One friend even said, "Oh no, you don't understand. You won't see them [meaning us] unless you go to The House to see them." And they're right. We're completely consumed. Every detail needs a decision, a measurement, a product ordered.

There's no time for photos, for updates, for reminiscing or pondering just where that pretty painting will go. There are only decisions and labor. Manual labor. I remember the day I said, "That's the one thing I don't do: Dig." One week later I was covered in dirt, my hands had actual digging callouses, and I had sealing tar in my hair as I sat at the bottom of a 6 foot trench wrapping a footing drain.

Adam told the neighbors as they walked by, "We're building a moat!"

We are exhausted. Working 15+ hours a day, seven days a week, and it has been months now. Everyone (I mean it) says, "Oh, I know, it's hard but it's totally worth it, right?" And we smile and say, "Yes yes yes" whilst growling inside and wondering when the end result will happen. We're not to the "It was hard, but it was totally worth it" zone. It's just hard, and stressful, and we have no idea if what we've conceived as the perfect, adorable, cozy, inviting place will be what we pictured as Home.

But really, we love it. The house will be wonderful. It will be ours, exactly as we designed it after 37+ floor plans and countless revisions and questions.

This took me two days to write, and I'm sorry but there are no photos of the house. Just a photo of us in Scotland in August, when we had a full week to ourselves poking around in castles. Before we were in so deep. Before I became a champion digger. Or at least before I picked up a shovel.